The expectations of a pastor are endless. Many members expect them to be omniscient, omnipresent, and omnipotent. But different pastors are wired differently. One pastor may get great fulfillment out of counseling, while another dreads every minute of it.
So I did an informal and unscientific survey of pastors. I asked them a simple question: “What do you like least about being a pastor?” The question was opened-ended and they could give more than one response.
I learned two things from this survey. First, pastors can have strong opinions about what they don’t like. Second, pastors are really different. The responses were wide-ranged and often in opposition to each other.
So here are the top ten things pastors don’t like about pastoring. I’ve listed them in reverse order. I then follow each dislike with a comment from a representative pastor.
10. Dealing with budgets and finance. “I have a pastor friend who has a finance major. He was in business before he went to seminary and he loves working with numbers. Not me. I get nauseas at the thought of working on the church budget.”
9. Weddings. “Emotions are usually high at weddings. Some people are difficult to handle. Plus the rehearsal, ceremony, and reception take away my whole weekend. I wish we could pass a law that no weddings can take place during college football season.”
8. Announcements in the worship service. “This past Sunday I was asked to announce that one of the older Sunday school classes was having a garage sale to raise money to repair the pipe organ. Their hearts were right, but I had to talk about a garage sale and a pipe organ right before I preached.”
7. Persistent critics. “You have to deal with critics if you are a pastor. I just struggle with those who are always on me about something. They never let up. It can be demoralizing.”
6. Anonymous critics. “I shouldn’t even let anonymous critics bother me. If they don’t have the courage to use their name, I have no reason to dwell on it. But, I’ve got to admit, it really bugs me. I find myself wondering throughout the day who it might be.”
5. Counseling. “I really envy those pastors who are counselors. They get energized by listening to people at their points of need and hurt. I have to admit that my mind wanders and I watch the clock. I don’t think I really help anybody when I counsel.”
4. Treating spouses like they are paid staff members. “I really hurt for my wife because we have one church member that expects her to put in the same amount of hours at church as I do. My wife is taking care of our three preschool children at home, but she feels guilty every time the church member talks to her.”
3. Supporters who don’t support pastors publicly. “One guy was ripping into me at our last business meeting. But he didn’t bother me as much as my so-called supporters who remained silent the whole time. They’ve told me that they are behind me, but they weren’t there for me when I needed them the most.”
2. Funerals of non-Christians. “I’ve been a pastor for nearly thirty years, and I still struggle when I’m asked to do the funeral of someone who never professed Christ. Most of the time my funeral message is directed at the family, and how God will comfort them. It’s still not easy.”
1. Business meetings. “Let me know if you come across a pastor that actually likes church business meetings. I want to find the secret to his moments of delusion.”
What do you think of this list? What would you add?
Pastor to Pastor is the Saturday blog series at ThomRainer.com. Pastors and staff, if we can help in any way, contact Steve Drake, our director of pastoral relations, at Steve.Drake@LifeWay.com. We also welcome contacts from laypersons in churches asking questions about pastors, churches, or the pastor search process.
Wow! I struggle with ALL ten of these things! I’m glad I’m not alone!
This article nailed it! I’ve had sentiments like all ten of them, but I struggled that I was being a lousy pastor by feeling this way. Now I know I’m not alone.
I was almost ready to declare it earlier, but after this article it’s a done deal in my mind: No one understands pastors better than Thom Rainer. It’s little wonder that your blog has fast become my favorite.
Great post, I can relate to them all. Any consideration to a follow up survey on the things pastors like most about pastoring?
Jeff -
You are definitely not alone. Many pastors just feel embarrassed to admit what they dislike about pastoring.
Like many other pastors, I could have written this myself. I am an accountant by training. I like working with numbers, but budget battles get tiring when the church wants to focus more on money than missions. That being said, every job has its more unpleasant qualities. After 25 years as a pastor, I have some stories to tell about all ten. Thanks for sharing.
Pastor W. -
As I noted in the previous comment, you are definitely not alone!
George -
You are kind, but I have to admit that these thoughts are not my own. I simply listen to pastors and share what they say. You guys are on the front line of spiritual warfare, and I am merely a reporter writing about the action from afar.
Randy -
You are a mind reader! That is my post for next Saturday.
Thanks Brian. Guys like you are my heroes.
Like most, I used to detest weddings. It always seemed like someone was always trying to cause problems, or someone was trying change what the bride and groom wanted. Honestly the way I used to feel, my wedding complaint list could go on and on. Then one day I began to study about how God looks at the marriage bond in the Bible. That changed my whole perspective on weddings. I now look at them from a totally different perspective. The Holy Spirit completely turned by thinking around, but it took Him to do that for me. Blessings to all of my brothers in the trenches.
Kevin -
I’m totally in agreement with you on looking at weddings from God’s perspectives. It’s really not the wedding in itself that troubles me. It’s all the man-made additions to the ceremony that often created frustration and angst.
Number 8 has a couple of easy fixes: delegate announcements to a member of the church at some point in the service prior to the sermon and add it to the bulletin.
Louis -
I agree with you . . . if your church allows it to happen. I have almost no say in what we do in the worship service except my sermon.
I would add one more: The negativity and apathy of members! I love my people dearly. But I detest their negative spirit and their apathetic attitude. Many of my members are senior adults and they feel they have “paid their dues.” Therefore, they believe it is now time to sit back and rest and let someone else do the “work.” There are days these negative comments and apathetic attitudes just appear to overwhelm me. Rather than focus on what God is doing in our midst and praising Him for that work, their focus is on all the negative. As a pastor, there are days I dread going to the office because of all the negative comments and expressions of apathy I will, inevitably, hear. Thanks for your post. It’s such encouragement to me. Oh, and by the way, I am not coming down on senior adults… “I are 0ne!”!
Good post. As one of the associate pastors at my church, I deal with all listed issues to a certain extent; not as much as a lead pastor. Prior to being a pastor full time, I worked as an engineer and management so the ‘business’ side of ministry is not foreign. Perhaps it’s a bit naïve, but the thing I dislike most about pastoring is the realization that you can’t help everyone. I still find funerals a bit intimidating; I just did a bilingual funeral … all elements in two languages … that was tough.
Wow! great discussion this morning. Dr. Rainer, you have certainly scratched an itch that most pastors live with daily. With these and other aggrivations that pastors and staff ministers put up with, it’s amazing that any of us survive in this calling for long. Sadly, many do leave vocational ministry for some of these reasons. The fact that ours is not a career choice, but a genuine call from God makes all the difference. I have found the courage to press on many times after I took a pause to recall God’s call upon my life; it even helped me respond in grace when vengence looked very appealing. I look forward to next week’s blog, because through it all, as shepherds of God’s people, we have been blessed in unspeakable ways.
Steve -
I think we are all on the same page about the call. We just appreciate Dr. Rainer expressing some things we often are unable to say. On a humorous note, get your Lifeway spellcheck to work on “aggrivations.” : )
Generally speaking, I think this list is pretty accurate to greater or lesser degrees. I don’t struggle with ALL of these things though. For example, I enjoy weddings, don’t mind finances and budgeting, and have never minded doing funerals even for unsaved people. And, I actually enjoy counseling. But all the others resonate LOUDLY with me and I think church members need to understand the undue amounts of stress and strain that these factors put on pastors especially when they’re young pastors! I personally DESPISE business meetings and would love to serve a church that only met once per year. They are nothing more in most churches than open invitations, held monthly, for folks to gripe and cause division. As for the critics, (and the announcements!) people need to grow up in Christ. Finally, I would add that the “silent supporters” are a huge problem as well. One of the greatest factors in my recent resignation of a divided church.
I think is speaks volumes when three of the top ten relate directly with critics (#s 3,6,&7). I’m going to use this for my Pastor Appreciation message this month when I preach in support of my pastor. The congregation needs to know how their negativity effects the pastor and a simple change in attitude will revolutionize this man’s ability to effectively lead his congregation. Great stuff.
Hank, Thanks. I wish I could blame it on the spellchecker. It’s more likely the result of an oversight due to cold medication.
Randy -
Good words and great to hear from you friend.
Dr. Rainer,
I’m the guy who likes business meetings. Let me tell you why. 1) I don’t moderate. Our deacon chair handles that, and I get to sit back and participate. 2) We share a meal before our business meetings. Everyone arrives relaxed and in a good mood. 3) While we conduct business, the main focus is on celebrating mission and ministry. We hear reports from youth and children, music and worship, Bible study and discipleship, etc. 4) Business decisions are handled with thorough communication and full disclosure. If it threatens to divide us, we’ll walk away or wait.
Our Sunday a.m. attendance is 154. Conference attendance averages 80. We meet once a month for business.
Good list and feed back for members. A lot of times members and family don’t get this kind of info. Communication can be tough. As a leader, being a good communicator, can be a tough skill to master. Props on the list. So that people can know. Along with family giving feed back, the pastor should give feed back too.
On # 3 there’s about 3-5 different issues that you are dealing with at once and they should be seperated.
I think it’s a ligit ament issue if the pastor doesn’t feel supported at all or is not getting any thank yous, or appreciation, it’s okay to ask for it. People for get to say thank you, or don’t realize how they come across. It’s a matter of maturity. And you should tell them. Let them know how it feels. So they will know. And can grow.
When people are talking about issues, you can’t take them all personally. You will end up in a mental institution downing handfuls of Prozac. Part of being a leader is a lot of issues will land on your desk, that’s just part of being a leader. It’s just like a store manager. They have a lot of stuff on their plate, and its up to them to deal with them and delegate. Keep things flowing.
Or customer service, the person your serving may not be mad at you, but trying to solve a problem.
A lot of times it’s nothing personal, it’s a problem people are trying to work on.
As far as critism about one’s self or what’s going on, heavy critism is an acid test of leadership. Unfortunately, it goes with the territory . People don’t get to be mean, or immature or insulting about it, but if you find your white washing things or people pleasing to make people happy or being a dictator, leadership may not be the right job for you. Part of reality.
Some people don’t realize how they are coming across and not mean to sound critical. It’s a good idea to let others know how you like critism. So you make it an enviroment of safety to aid communication.
Props to all the pastors out there. Thank you and thanks for serving, even when it’s hard. x
Jason -
I love the way you love your pastor.
Thank you.
Surprisingly I don’t agree with many of these. I enjoy finances. Announcements are vital to the life of the congregation. Weddings of all sorts and funerals of non members are the most important outreach I have to the community. Yes weddings can be a pain. But if you hang in there you can make any wedding a teachable moment and an opportunity to build bridges. I am disappointed by folks who say they support the Pastor but then allow the Pastor to be bullied and won’t speak up. And altho I hate criticism too, I try to deal with it by finding what part(s) may be valid and what parts(s) are not valid.
So altho I see some truth in this list, it seems slightly overstated in many areas.
#1 is one I certainly agree with, mainly because it gives an idea of where the heart of the church is and it can be discouraging. These meetings often end up being unorganized vent sessions about things that noone ends up doing and I get emails about later and end up doing(i.e., there are dead spiders and webs in between windows and it needs to be cleaned). The main reason it bothers me is because there is rarely any talk of things that matter, such as how to reach the lost, but instead are things focused on us. it can be discouraging at times. The ciritcs bother me, but I agree with others that it bothers me more when those who say they support me do not do so when I have been criticized. Some of the other things are mere annoyances or opportunities. Not to sound corny, but I thank God everyday for being called to do what I do, it takes a toll at times, but many times it is due to pressure I put on myself and not something the church expects. I think I am my toughest critic at times and it is due to a sinful desire to please all people.
I would really love to see a follow-up survey on pastor’s kids. The kids of pastors have lots of stresses.
I must agree with all of your points. I do, however, agree whole heartily on point #3. How many times have I walked out of a business meeting and someone walk up and say, “I agree with you” and then walk away.
What I do not like are all the excuses for not serving. Too old, don’t like knocking on doors, not enough time, not enough money…
If none of these frustrations were a part of my life i would be soaring on eagles wings! Thanks Tom. Your posts are always spot on.
Apathy. Can’t stand it. At least fake that you enjoy things.
I’m not a pastor, but a seminary student and preacher. The announcement thing is a killer. This past Sunday, my pastor called at 6 am for me to fill in for him in an emergency. No problem, relish the opportunity to serve. But knowing the situation, a beloved senior saint exhorted me, not about the power of the Spirit, but not to forget to announce the monthly Happy Hearts luncheon. This luncheon had been announced in no less than three services and is always attended by around 100. Is it that people’s view of the church is so impoverished, or what is the deal with the civic club mentality?