I am a bona fide redneck at heart. I was born and raised in LA (lower Alabama), and I currently live in Tennessee. I love country music, boiled goobers, Bama football, and at least one cold one a day (diet coke). I was so ingrained in Southern culture as a child that I thought anything north of Birmingham was Yankee territory.
With my unashamed redneck background, I am inestimably equipped to understand and share redneck vocabulary. As you can imagine, these are not original with me; they are pervasive on the Internet. For today, I will share with you what rednecks hear when they hear a medical term. Enjoy.
Artery – the study of paintings.
Bacteria – back door to the cafeteria.
Barium – what doctors do when patients die.
Benign – what you be after you be eight.
Cat scan – searching for kitty.
Cauterize – made eye contact with her.
Colic – a sheep dog.
Coma – a punctuation mark.
Dilate – to live long.
Enema – not a friend.
Fester – quicker than someone else.
Fibula – a small lie.
Labor pain – getting hurt at work.
Morbid – a higher offer on eBay.
Nitrates – rates of pay for working at night (usually higher than day rates).
Node – I knew it.
Outpatient – a patient who fainted.
Pelvis – second cousin to Elvis.
Post operative – a mailman.
Recovery room – place to do upholstery.
Rectum – nearly killed him.
Secretion – hiding something.
Seizure – a Roman emperor.
Terminal illness – getting sick at the airport.
Tumor – one plus one more.
Urine – opposite of you’re out.
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