In an informal survey of pastors, I asked a simple question:
What do you wish you had been told before you became a pastor?
Some of the responses were obvious. For me, a few were surprises.
I note them in order of frequency of response, not necessarily in order of importance. After each item, I offer a representative quote from a pastor.
- I wish someone had taught me basic leadership skills. “I was well grounded in theology and Bible exegesis, but seminary did not prepare me for the real world of real people. It would have been great to have someone walk alongside me before my first church.”
- I needed to know a lot more about personal financial issues. “No one ever told me about minister’s housing, social security, automobile reimbursement, and the difference between a package and a salary. I got burned in my first church.”
- I wish I had been given advice on how to deal with power groups and power people in the church. “I got it all wrong in my first two churches. I was fired outright from the first one and pressured out in the second one. Someone finally and courageously pointed out how I was messing things up almost from the moment I began in a new church. I am so thankful that I am in the ninth year of a happy pastorate in my third church.”
- Don’t give up your time in prayer and the Word. “I really don’t ever remember anyone pointing me in that direction. The busier I became at the church, the more I neglected my primary calling. It was a subtle process; I wish I had been forewarned.”
- I wish someone had told me I needed some business training. “I felt inadequate and embarrassed in the first budget meetings. And it really hit home when we looked at a building program that involved fund raising and debt. I had no clue what the bankers were saying.”
- Someone should have told me that there are mean people in the church. “Look, I was prepared to deal with critics. That’s the reality of any leadership position. But I never expected a few of the members to be so mean and cruel. One church member wrote something really cruel on my Facebook wall. Both my wife and children cried when they read it.”
- Show me how to help my kids grow up like normal kids. “I really worry about the glass house syndrome with my wife and kids. I’m particularly worried that my children will see so much of the negative that they will grow up hating the church. I’ve seen it happen too many times.”
- I wish I had been told to continue to date my wife. “I was diligent in dating my wife before I became a pastor. I then got so busy helping others with their needs that I neglected her. I almost lost my marriage. She felt so alone as I tried to meet everyone’s needs but hers.”
- Someone needed to tell me about the expectation of being omnipresent. “I had no idea that people would expect me to be at so many meetings, so many church socials, and so many sports and civic functions. It is impossible to meet all those expectations, so I left some folks disappointed or mad.”
- I really needed help knowing how to minister to dying people. “Some of those who have terminal illnesses have such a strong faith that they minister to me. But many of them are scared and have questions I never anticipated. I was totally unprepared for these pastoral care issues when I first became a pastor.”
How do you respond to this list? What would you add?
Pastor to Pastor is the Saturday blog series at ThomRainer.com. Pastors and staff, if we can help in any way, contact Steve Drake, our director of pastoral relations, at Steve.Drake@LifeWay.com. We also welcome contacts from laypersons in churches asking questions about pastors, churches, or the pastor search process.
I wish someone would have told me that dealing with dying parishioners will cause me to have to work through issues of my own mortality on a regular basis.
(Not a bad thing, but one for which I was unprepared)
Thanks for the insight Rick.
I am not trying to impress anyone but it should be of no surprise, but I learned more about practical real world ministry from Dr. Rainer Dr. Kevin Ezell and Dr. Chuck Lawless than from anyone during my studies at SBTS. All three men have walked and are walking the road we as pastors travel. I have learned to listen and follow those who understand the world of practical ministry. I also pastored 2 churches while in seminary. Sometimes you can’t learn until you get out of the classroom and shepherd. It helps to make your mistakes in a small church during seminary.
You seem to be implying that it doesn’t matter if you make mistakes in a small church, as if somehow those people don’t matter because there are less of them. I’m sure that couldn’t be what you meant. Could you explain your last sentence?
Eva Marie -
Are you asking me? I am unclear with the question you asked.
I am replying to Greg Hyche
Eva Marie – Notice how no one has responded to your comment? Writing off small congregations is all too common as pastors have their eyes focused on the tall steeple church. Wee Kirks are considered stepping stones… and yet they have loved and equipped many for highly effective ministry in congregations of all sizes. I have spent almost 30 years with small membership churches – 12 years in my current call. What a blessing.
Hi Pat,
I responded earlier with an issue that I wish I had known as a new pastor; however, that doesn’t mean I wasn’t moved by the conversation about the smaller churches or ignoring their plight. My career has involved serving a variety of sizes of congregations. Currently I co-pastor with my husband and we serve both a 350 member and a 27 member church. We love them both and there is much to appreciate about each of them. We have served other small congregations as well and recognize that they often fall through the cracks. I don’t; however, think it’s fair to cast judgment on pastors and suggest they’re looking for tall steeple positions and don’t care about small congregations. I have known a number of clergy who have preferred small churches. We can’t overlook the fact that many small churches cannot afford to pay a full time pastor, and so clergy simply have to look for a place to serve that can. That is particularly true when both spouses are clergy, and/or have children. With the level of debt most seminary graduates have, the salaries offered by many small churches just aren’t enough.
As to the question about making mistakes in a smaller church before moving to a larger. Perhaps this is pastor who did aspire to a tall steeple setting. Perhaps not. It isn’t fair to suggest that pastors think they can go to small churches so they can “work the kinks out” of their ministry skills and nobody will care about their mistakes. No pastor wants to make mistakes, and no pastor could honestly believe it’s okay to dump on the little churches as if they don’t matter. It’s about serving God and God’s people, not the size of the church. That said, I will say that I have personally found that smaller congregations have a different atmosphere about them and some even see themselves as a place to train new pastors, or they have been through a spiral of decline and are more open to new ideas and a few more mistakes than in the past. This pastor may have been blessed to serve such a congregation and thus learned valuable lessons without being cast out by an angry mob. Tall steeple churches often operate in a more “corporate” style, following the models of the business world where expectations of clergy can be about producing results that if aren’t met, spells certain doom. (Granted this can also be true in smaller churches, but perhaps the fact that they have a harder time finding a pastor makes them a bit more patient.) Some of the ugliest pastor/church dissolutions I have seen have happened in larger churches.
It may be that those commenting on the small church are overlooking one of the gifts that smaller congregations may offer a pastor, and that’s a more relaxed spirit or a slower pace that affords a pastor a chance to learn together with the congregation in a way that can’t happen in larger churches. This may be true simply because there are not as many members, or it may be a very special kind of community that can be a blessing in helping a new pastor develop skills. I would also say that the opposite may be true for some pastors, that the larger church has been the place where it was best to make mistakes on their way to gaining more experience. I was disappointed to see assumptions made about the pastor who wrote his/her comment and about the aspirations of clergy. I would prefer to believe that if all are being called by God, the right sized church is there for every pastor – and that location is about gifts and talents more than top dollar paychecks. I pray for the day when all congregations have the resources to call the pastor they believe God wants for them; if that were true today, I am certain there would be many more pastors seeking smaller congregations.
I can raise my hand to say I have experienced all 10 of these statements. Seminaries often fail to train students in the very important area of practical ministry. They are rightly concerned with teaching Bible and theology. We can’t preach what is right if we don’t know what’s right. But for those who are called to shepherd the sheep, we need training in “sheepology.” For pastors who did not get that kind of training or for pastors who entered the pastorate with no formal ministry training, I encourage them to find a group of pastors with whom they can fellowship routinely. It will be a place where less is discussed about soteriology and more is discussed about sheepology.
I like that Steve: Sheepology. You might be on to something.
I agree with you Dr. Drake. I took The Practice of Ministry class when I was at SBTS but we never touched on these “where the rubber meets the road” issues. I would be great to be able to have a more experienced pastor as a mentor in addition to having a small group of pastors to meet with on a regular basis.
Todd, I agree. The Practice of Ministry class is exactly where these topics should be discussed. So sorry your class “never touched on these issues.” Hopefully now you will be able to join a group of pastors or start a group. Coming your way is a young pastor who also didn’t get to study “rubber hits the road” issues. Be ready when he moves into the pastorate down the road from you, to be the source of wisdom he will need to succeed in the sheep pen.
Basic Peacemaking would have been a good skill to be taught.
Good word.
I wish someone had told me that some churches don’t want a visionary pastor-leader. Some churches only want a pastor-caretaker to help them maintain the status quo.
Sadly true Brian.
Man is that true!!! You’re in for a painful time if those expectations aren’t clear from the get-go…and they usually aren’t. What folks say they want and what they actually want are two different things.
Absolutely Rachel.
This is true for us music ministers, too. Really frustrating when a church brings you in with the stated expectation to “take our worship to the ‘next level’” and then complain when you do so. I’ve also found it doesn’t really help to point this out. Apparently people don’t like being reminded of what they’ve said.
I could not agree more. A lot of churches(especially aging churches) see the positives of changing worship styles, but when the “rubber meets the road,” they are unable to step out of their comfort zone. It’s difficult to make even small changes. Often, these are the churches that are closing… not, I believe, because of their worship style, but because their inflexibility is only demonstrated in their reluctance to change worship style. The problem is deeper and often goes unaddressed. We, as worship leaders and music ministers, are just the low-hanging fruit.
I have seen pastors advertise themselves as a “visionary pastor-leader”, but what does that mean? Of all the qualifications in the Bible for an elders I do not see anything about being a visionary. Preach – keep on keeping on (status quo); Administer the Sacraments – keep on keeping on (status quo); Disciple people – keep on keeping on (status quo); Pray with and for the sheep – keep on keeping on (status quo); Evanglize the lost – keep on keeping on (status quo); …
Why would a church need a “visionary”? We need faithful pastors who pass down the Gospel to the next generation.
Dean, it may seem to be a semantic argument, but “keep on keeping on” is not status quo. Besides the fact that for most church laymen, “status quo” means “don’t ask any more of us than we’re doing,” the admonition of pastors to keep on preaching, keep on administering the sacraments, keep on discipling people, etc., is not status quo behavior. Just because our commission doesn’t change, it does not follow that our communication styles need not adapt nor our skills be refined. As in physics, there is no such thing as true, self-sustaining balance. We are always regressing or progressing–and the latter only ever comes, I believe, with your “keep on keeping on” encouragement.
That having been said, the idea of being “visionary” is kind of a moving target–it could mean anything. In that context, the prospective minister would need to vet out what kind of “visionary” the church expects. And even then he’ll be wise to assume that the church may not really MEAN they want all that “visionary” after all.
But I would contend that any “keep on keeping on” is, by nature, pressing forward (which we’re commanded to do–”toward the prize of the high calling”); anything else is, inevitably, regression. Status quo is a euphemism–we’re either moving forward or backward.
Thom,
Thank you for this post. I am now beginning my third month as Lead Pastor. Reading this post caused my heart to overflow with gratitude to God for the preparation he allowed me to have prior to taking this role. As you know, I served as Associate Pastor for almost 10 years under Dr. Bill Bowyer at Wake Cross Roads Baptist Church. Because of that time of observing, and learning from, Bill (and other men who invested in me and my ministry), I would say that I felt at least somewhat prepared in all of the areas you noted above. I still see much room for personal growth in all of the areas. But, none of them have been overwhelming. I would encourage anyone who believes God is calling them to serve as pastor to look for an opportunity to serve alongside a seasoned, godly pastor (whether formally in a staff role, or even as an unpaid volunteer/intern). I do believe the seminaries must do a better job in the practical training of would-be pastors, given that their charters say they are to equip God-called men and women to serve local SBC churches (which means making sure they are “equipped” both theologically AND practically). There is simply no substitute, however, for learning practical ministry through first-hand observation and practice. Thank you for all of your posts. As a new Lead Pastor, I glean helpful information from them all.
Gratefully,
Randy
Thank you Randy. You were indeed blessed to serve alongside Bill. Blessings to you as you continue to grow in your new role.
Great post – dead on. Only thing I would add is: I wish someone would have told me about the importance of taking regular breaks, if only for a few days, every couple of months. The demands on a pastor spiritually, emotionally & physically are often overwhelming. I’m thankful I’m now in a place where I can take a 2 week break between most sermon series and can take the month of July off each summer. These breaks are refreshing and give me time to refocus. My personal physician, who is a committed Christian, told me when we first met to take at least one week off every three months. His father was a pastor who left the ministry to drive a truck because of the constant stress with no relief.
I hope all pastors read your comment BJ; and I wish more churches would allow pastors to take this time off.
There are some churches that would just about fire a pastor for even asking for such a thing. For those who get some kind of sabbatical or break time between series count it a major blessing. One thing I would add to the list is some kind of training in how to determine the health of a church up front during the interview process. I think a lot of heartache, for pastors and churches, could be avoided if there were a better way to get to the root of a church’s health and intentions. Some churches are content in ignoring the great commission and are happy with their exclusive country club atmosphere. I learned the hard way…
The problem of time management, as much when there is nothing pressing as when there is. Basically, how to take a Monday when you serve a rural church and there’s no one in the hospital, no events, and you have to sit down in your study and start working on the next sermon, get the mail, process the information from the day before. There are several things to do but no real order they have to be done in, and no one to really work through them with.
That’s a good thought Doug.
Great list – What format would you use to communicate the needed info (actual Training) to the young future pastors within the context of the local church. What is one resource per category you recommend – Thanks
Kent -
I wish I knew of such a resource. Maybe the readers can help. I do think all of this information can be taught in a mentoring relationship.
What I most wish is that I’d been apprenticed to a faithful pastor. Which is a more directly Biblical model, strictly speaking, than any seminary can manage.
Thanks Dan. You are spot on. I would love to hear a discussion how we could make this need a wider reality.
Thanks. And let me add that your list has many good items. But (as you requested) I was personalizing it and thinking the difference being told something would have made.
Telling is important; but it needs to be mixed with doing, as Paul did. Some of us are, by turns, both slow-witted and stubborn. Or sometimes in combination. In such cases, merely hearing won’t do it.
What’s best I think is instruction along with apprenticeship. That gives the info, then the freedom to test it out and fail in the context of a patient, loving, longsuffering experienced brother who will lift us back up and kick our butts as needed.
For instance, when a pastor said “If you can do anything else, do it,” I thought he was just being sour. Experience taught me the truth to what he said. But merely hearing it didn’t do it.
And so forth. (c:
Again, well said Dan.
Thanks Thom! I’ve encountered all 10 of those concerns directly or indirectly. I recieved a great theological education that focused on the practical application of what was learned. But as good as my education was, there are three factors that have been integral to my success as a Lead Pastor.
First, I intentionally chose schools that sought to prepare leaders for where the church is headed tomorrow, not for where the church has been. This took time and might require some to choose schools outside their denominational framework.
Second, I recieved my education while also gaining practical experience. This took a little longer, but it taught me to contextualize, process, and evaluate how to apply what I learned. As a coach, I spend a lot of time helping ministers navigate the gap between their education and its application to a the real world of ministry.
Third, I served in youth ministry first. I’m a bit biased here, but There are elements, factors, and skills required in youth ministry that effective pastors desperately need. The best pastors I worked under were youth pastors first. In my research on the most effective emerging pastors, the same holds true. The best training I recieved for Senior Adult ministry? 20+ years of working with Jr. High students…they are very similar!
Pastor search committees that put aside resumes from applicants who have been veteran youth ministers are passing on the best candidates. At a conference recently, Reggie Joiner shared that churches should not consider a pastoral candidate that has not had at least 5 years experience as a youth minister.
Get a future-focused education, combine education with experience, and serve as a youth minister. You’ll be well prepared you’ll be to lead through all 10 of the concerns above.
Kevin -
Thanks for taking the time to write. You have some great insights. Though I’ve never thought about the youth/student ministry aspect, it makes sense.
Thanks again, Thom. My apologies for the typos in my post…not enough coffee this morning!
I fully understand!
I completely agree with all of these. Really enjoy your blog posts. Keep up the good work.
Thanks Mark!
This is probably covered in some of the other comments, but I wish someone would have explained to me the difference between formal duties and perceived expectations. I fill like in earlier pastorates I spent most of my time trying to fulfill people’s perceived expectations of a pastor.
So true Danny.
Those points are heart-breaking brother. I feel for these men. Thanks for posting this. Hopefully, those who are considering the ministry will read this list so they will know what to expect in the ministry; both positive and negative.
Thanks Jared. Let me encourage you to pass this information to others.
I wish someone had told me that the ministry doesn’t have to be so serious that you cannot stop to celebrate victories and laugh.
When you’re always serious, it burdens your family and leaves you uninvited when people want to just have some fun fellowship.
I love that perspective John. We are always to take our ministries seriously without taking ourselves too seriously.
I was blessed to have Dr. Drake in my first on-campus class at SBTS. He did train us in his experiences along these lines and I am better for it today as a pastor who is still clueless! I think sheepology was definitely taught well as we studied the Word and ministry together. Also sat by a guy you may know named Sam Rainer in that class. Thank you men for ministering to us pastors out here.
Patrick -
I have heard countless positive comments about Dr. Drake and how so many got so much out of his practical teaching. And, yes, one of those students who still sings his praises was a guy I know named Sam Rainer.
Patrick, Great to hear from you and I’ll bet you’re not “clueless.” If I remember correctly you were in an evening class. I miss you and Sam and all the students who took Formation for Christian Ministry.
Spot on with this list. I attended a small school of preaching under the oversight of a local church of Christ. The downside academically is that it is not accredited (though course work can be transferred to college or university). The smaller setting, combined with studying under preachers who not only have academic degrees, but have many years of ministry experience, lends itself to biblical and practical balance. We were blessed tremendously in this way. I have served the same congregation since graduating 9 years ago, and have dealt with all these matters, and more. I cannot imagine having been better equipped for the downside of ministry in just two years. Thank you for the post.
Great word Rick. I wish more pastors had the benefit and blessings you had.
I wish someone had told me that trying to lead a traditional, established church through necessary changes that will help reach lost and/or unchurched people is like trying to teach a snail how to run.
Okay, so that’s not entirely true, but it is slow, painstaking, deliberate, and tedious work that will require much patience, persistence, caution, and wisdom.
How long does it take?
Dr. Rainer, you’re absolutely right.
A lot longer than you think!
Drew -
You are so right. I wrote a book on that issue called “Eating the Elephant.” Send an email to Amy.Jordan@LifeWay.com and I will mail you a signed copy.
Thanks!
Is there a Kindle version available? I just looked up your book on Amazon and didn’t see one. However, the premise of your book is exactly the situation I’m running into with my current church. Wanting to grow a congregation that is stuck in the status quo.
Ken -
Kindle version will be available in two months.
#2 was the biggest for me and still is.
Dean -
See my post about pastors’ salaries on December 17, 2012. Thanks.
I wish someone would have really stressed to me the value of patience and waiting for direction from God. Only after making a lot of mistakes have I come to realize that many times God delivers a vision over months even years.
Good word Robby.
Robby, Let me “amen” your comment as well. Abram was told nothing but “Go to a land I’ll show you.” Why God doesn’t give us the full plan up front is not clear to us, but it is to Him. If we had full disclosure up front, we might never take the first step toward the Promised Land.
I wish someone told me planting a church wouldn’t be difficult regarding the hard south Bronx community we’re trying to reach, but about the challenges of lethargic people who came to help. Just being real.
My prayers Reggie. I mean it.
I wish I understood more of the undeclared vs the declared culture and values of the church. My heart is heavy that no one in our SBC convention wil stand up and own the number issue we face in our churches, that is practical leadership development for pastors and church staff.
Bert -
This blog has a lot of readers, including those of us who could do something. At least your voice has been heard.
I wish someone would have helped me understand the importance of lifelong friendships and networks in the ministry. So many of my early friends in the ministry are no longer in the ministry. At the “latter days” of my ministry these friendships have become very important to me.
Thom, can you nutshell the principles in “Eating The Elephant”? Given the fact that there seem to be so many established churches that are being ground to dust or just being given up on, I am assuming the principles would be very timely! And for my two cents, long before I was called into ministry Dr. Bob Willey at Lancaster Bible College told us that in any ministry your first ministry is to your family. I wish someone had told me that persistence in pursuing that principle would definitely pay off, and that it would be a life long pursuit. For, by the grace of God alone, I listened, and have found it to be true. Thank-you for your ministry!
Rodney -
Send your address to Amy and I’ll send you a book too.
Thank-you! Would you agree that the minister’s first ministry must be his family?
Absolutely.
Thanks, Rick. I’ve got 137 pastors that I am the DOM for and they need this kind of reminder, encouragement, and check-up. I’ll be “stealing” this for my April meetings! Thanks, bunches!
Alan
I meant Thom!
Got it
Is there a good book on number 3?
Rachel,
Check out “Church Conflict: The Hidden Systems Behind the Fights.” It is a basic primer about Family Systems Theory and how to diagnose the power groups within the church. Very biblical. Very practical. Helped me alot.
Darrell
This is sad to me! I am amazed these are the top ten. Hello churches have been teaching dating your wife, training up your children and having your own personal prayer time and Bible Study time as HUGE importance in your personal walk. As for the mean people in church– are you kidding me? Where have these guys been? Business and financial classes should be taught at seminary. You can even use the Bible!!!! I am amazed these are the top ten. Now I know why so many Baptist churches are dead and so many others are dying!!!!!!!
Derek that was not a very nice comment you made. Are you a pastor yourself.?
I agree with the list. Thankfully I served under men of God that taught me how to deal with some of these issues. Im on my third year leading a church and do I have to grow! Sadly, I have been helping many new and old pastors deal with administration issues at their churches. My school didnt teach me these things that are so important and can cause a pastor to fail in ministry, but glad my family did. We teach basic accounting principles to small churches and it has been a blessing to all.
I am not a pastor yet. But I must say that I am aware of, and believe that with God’s help I could handle, each of these issues. Many mention that seminary did not prepare them for that. I praise God that my seminary has taken the time to do just that. I know it’s far different learning about it than actually going through it. But at least I will not be blindsided and I know God is my strength.
I graduate in May. My wife and I are missionaries and hope to be on the field by next summer.
Blessings to you Traver.
I believed I could handle any problem that I could have in a church, until I was a pastor of that church.
My problem with so much “leadership” is it’s too worldly. To power and personality oriented. I think practical servantship is where we should start. Not ruling out “Leading” altogether, just saying it needs a New Testament context. Jesus came to seek and save, He came to serve, He washed feet, but he was an effective leader, too. I haven’t got this all figured out, I’m still flailing at times like an octopus out of water. But, I know enough to love and serve and then try to figure out how to lead.
Basic Peacemaking.
This is an excellent piece and should be sent to the student pastor program of every seminary. Regarding children, I think it helped mine to never live next-door to the church building. Regarding finances, I once followed a pastor who was lacking in this area and often ask the church for An advance on his salary. They thought I was also incompetent financially and were surprised when that was not the case.
Thanks David.
Dr. Rainer (or any others),
Are you aware of any printed or electronic resources that deal with the pros & cons of living in a church parsonage vs. living in your own home that’s not next door to the church? Virtually everything I’ve heard/seen is anecdotal and would like to see something with a bit more substance to it. Additionally, are you aware of any resources, apart from direct consultation with state-level denominational leaders, that might assist in helping a church transition from the church-owned parsonage paradigm to the minister-owned home paradigm?
I’m not necessarily looking to push the envelope that way, but I want to be able to offer resources should those conversations begin to take place, something other than my own thoughts and opinions.
As a church leader, I’d be very interested in what you come up with. My church used to have a lovely home available to the pastor, which was not next to the church, but in the same community. When the pastor retired after over 25 years of faithful service, he did not own his own home and had no equity, etc. I feel that his retirement assets do not reflect his faithfulness in ministry. My church has had to sell the parsonage in the meantime, but I wonder if there might be a better model of compensation, that helps a pastor move toward owning his own home so he has a better retirement?
It’s good to know that when a group of sinners (albeit forgiven) are grouped together in a Church and commanded to love one another, sparks will fly. It’s inevitable and to be expected. No one ever told me that. I so wish they had!
Thank you for your post. I found it due to a friend posting on Facebook. I have spent 20 years in ministry in the background, without positions or titles. Just helping. Last July, 2012 I took my first pastorate. I believe working in the background, but with my eyes and ears open, helped me learn many things on your list. One other thing, not on your list, is how much more we need Holy Spirit leading, and less calculated planning. Paul planned out his missionary journeys just to be forbade. The Holy Spirit sent him in a different direction and opened up all of Europe to the Gospel when he headed up towards Phillipi. We can plan and calculate all we want, but God knows the big picture. We need to be so familiar with God’s leading we can hear the slightest whisper. Not need a loud voice. He knows who needs us most, when and where. We need to be more fluid, allowing God to minister through us, not just decide what we are going to do “for Him”.
Thanks Patrick.
I felt sorry reading about the Pastor and realized that these are real issues that Pastor’s really deal with. I am in agreement before a man takes his first Church, he should be an associate Pastor to an older Pastor who has been through many of these experiences. Age gives you the opportunity to help the young Pastors. We need to be praying for our Pastors and Churches more. I had the opportunity to work under a couple older men and I watched how they handled those type problems. Young Pastors need to seek the advice of some older Pastors on how to hanle problems.
I am amazed.There area few points that have been mentioned i wish i would have also known before being a Pastor.But its better late than never .Great for youth who are planning to be a pastor.
I just finished reading Dangerous Calling by Paul Tripp and this book will prevent a couple of those. I wish that it were a requirement for every Pastor and minister.
This is a great article, but it brings up a point that I’ve been wrestling with that really grinds me, and that is – You can’t really learn these things until you’re hit by them a few times. I think that some of the best learning I had for ministry was when I was doing full time work at both Seminary at GordonConwell and doing Youth Work in Lexington MA – it was good to learn in two different ways. But for those who are more deep into the books and putting the lessons to the grind during school didn’t happen – it is important to have a few older, wiser pastors who can mentor you while you go through the process. With modern communication, having a mentor and holding onto them throughout your life is a good goal to have. Some of the brokeness happens in the midst of isolation, and feeling you have no one who cares about the craziness in your own life. Shepherds need shepherding and that’s a good thing. I like the concept of Sandwiching. Being mentored while mentoring someone else. It gives and gets and all of it brings growth and can help relieve the feeling of aloneness that occurs periodically in ministry. Oh, and you don’t feel as ignorant of dumb after hearing stories that retired ministers can sometimes laugh about.
Haven’t seen this one yet . . . maybe it’s just the part of the country I serve. But I really wish someone had told me what to do when congregation members wear their guns to church. I’m serious. Open carry laws are making for some strange situations.
Thanks for this article, if for no other reason than the affirmation that we don’t go through these things alone. I am thankful that many aspects of the Marriage and Family Therapy program at LPTS influenced their practical theology. The one thing I wish I’d known before entering the ministry is that no matter how much training and knowledge you acquire, there will always be surprises. I have served congregations with reputations for their conflict and clergy killing. (That probably says something about my sanity since I went into them with eyes open.) I took classes on conflict management in Seminary, took the Healthy Congregations training, and even got to work with Speed Leas of the Alban Institute as he consulted with the church where I was employed. I began ministry thinking I was prepared. What I learned is that all the training in the world can help you see when it’s time to put on your crash helmet; but once you’re the target, you can’t do much to work on conflicted situations anymore. AND, if you are diligent about dealing with unhealthy patterns there’s a good chance you’re going to become the target. Sometimes the best you can do is model grace under fire. You learn to celebrate the times when conflict is resolved and healthier behavior is practiced – but it sure is hard work.
I can honestly say that I too have experienced all 10 at one time or another in the last almost 25 years of ministry. And ministry has given me some of the best and most painful experiences of my life. I was so not prepared for the mean spirited, unhealthy personalities of so many in the church. I have come close to leaving ministry more than once, I did leave parish ministry for the last 8 years doing hospice ministry. What I can say I learned in Hospice that I wish had been taught in Seminary or at least that I would have learned it earlier, was the maintenance of healthy boundaries. Had I learned that early on, I think things would have been less painful. But, there is a need to teach the church members again that although they do pay our paycheck, they do not OWN us.
I am thankful that I was taught all of these things or exposed to the issues in seminary at NOBTS 1998-2001. Can’t speak for now…been a lot of changes. However, most of these things are common sense or they are really things that can’t truly be taught by a seminary. In many instances, it is the pride of “I got this” of youth that rejects the need for mentorship or wisdom of older pastors and church members that hinder leaders. With the available resources in our modern age, there is really simply no excuse to be so blindsided by so many of these issues raised. I served in LA, MS, and TN and I don’t know if I’ve ever been to a convention event that didn’t offer resources for issues dealing with finances and business issues for the church and minister. I am no longer SBC. But not having the resources and helps to navigate all of these issues is simply not an SBC problem. They might not be utilized by young pastors…but they are certainly available, easy to access, and sufficiently promoted. My convictions may have changed and I had many frustrations with SBC leaders….but the support for the ministry is simply unmatched by other groups.
I attended LPTS and feel the seminary addressed each of these issues the best that it was able in the time set aside for formal theological education. What I haven’t seen addressed in the comments or the article is the local congregation’s responsibility to help theologically educate pastors. Theological education does not just take place in seminary – if it does then we are in REALLY big trouble. Theological education is a partnership between seminaries, churches, parents, and other sisters and brothers in Christ. Theological education should start when we first bring our children through the doors of the church and last until we join the Church Triumphant. There are flaws and gaps in the system of theologically educating our pastors and those who serve Christ’s church in ministries beyond the church walls. I don’t think all those flaws can be placed squarely on the shoulders of our seminaries. We need to realize the ways each of us, elders and church members, have failed to be good partners with our seminaries.
First time commenter, not a pastor. I did lose a very faithful pastor a couple of years ago who did all that he could to pastor according to a biblical model. Reflecting on this, being savvy to a church’s ethos, “identity”, culture, soil – whatever you want to call it – would seem to be critical. When the pastor fulfills his role as a prophet, he will be loved by some but hated by others. Reform according to Scripture’s authority and sufficiency can be very painful if not deadly; teaching Scriptural truth that hasn’t been taught in a few years serves as a good “soil test”.
This is a wonderful piece! Thanks for bringing these issues to the forefront. As I read through these issues, I can see area of weakness for me, but there was also another thought that I had in my mind – one of gratitude. After graduating, I was a pastor of student ministries for 8 years. During the first 5 1/2 years, the senior pastor shepherded me beyond what I could have expected. It hurt at times, but it was a very helpful hurting. Looking back, I can see that he was doing “shephardology” with me.
Now, I still know I have blind spots and there are areas where “I don’t know what I don’t know,” but I also see so many more things because God used a very godly lead pastor to shape and sharpen me in ministry.
I am not a pastor, but do have a fair bit of theological training, both formal and informal from many years in the church. Your article is interesting to me as a church leader. I feel for our pastors, as I know churches have so many expectations that we put on them, especially so in small churches where there is only one pastor. Similar expectations are also often had for the volunteer church leaders, who may or may not have theological and/or leadership training. Pastors supposedly have training on how to lead/pastor churches… but who teaches the congregation how to work with the pastor and other leaders? Modern congregations are not even remotely homogenous, in that some people are mature in faith and long-time participants in the church, while others are new and have no idea what’s even in the Bible. So the expectations toward those in leadership will be all over the place. It occurs to me that maybe we need to work on what it means to live together in community. It’s not just about leadership, whether your perspective is “top-down” or “servant” leadership — but how do we live together when we hurt each other because we’re all imperfect beings, regardless of our spiritual maturity or title. I’ve found Henri Nouwen’s book, “In the Name of Jesus” to be very insightful. I think the reality of living in community is very difficult for us, but a worthy one to consider.
todays church has gotten to be an organization , a business . that was not Gods intention. we need to get back to reaching the lost not socials and pleasing man. all these pastors seemed to start off with all the zeal that the apostles had. but all seem to have been sorely let down by their churches.
I wish someone had told me how psychologically damaged smaller churches are primarily because of the constant regular turnover in the pastorates. I have had to deal constantly with gun shy and mistrusting sheep that are always waiting for the other shoe to drop and their pastor to leave them for a church that pays more or is in a more advantageous area. All three churches I have served on staff at as a youth pastor and now as a pastor at my first pastorate have shown signs of this because every 3-4 years their young pastors have left them for something better.
I found several wise older pastors in the community to help me when I started facing some of these issues. Max, Brian, and Robert really helped me when I had people and leadership problems. They were faithful prayer partners and our friendship is probably what kept me in the ministry. No one ever told me that “sheep bite”!
I have experienced each and every one of these. Sometimes I wish I had been forewarned. Other times I think, “Even if I was told, I’m not sure it would have prepared me.” Maybe not completely. But it sure would have dulled the blow of the hardest lessons I’ve learned in ministry.
Thank you for the post!
While I am not a Senior Pastor I have seen it multiple times. I wish someone would teach how to prepare a church for SUCCESSFUL transition after a pastor has been in place for decades and decides to retire/move on.
I wish I would have knew how easy it is to get subtly sucked into the sub-culture of the church office, having Christian-only friends and lose ongoing relationships and valuable insight from non-Christians. Without that, we can easily forget how we come across, language, what are the questions we need to respond to and more importantly how to respond because our approach of responding will likely be different to those inside the church and already Christian than aren’t. Same end answer, but how we get there differs and I think we forget that. —- Thanks for this post and love your blog and your incredible research and insight you bring. – Dan
Great article. You can tell by the number of posts that you hit a nerve! For me, in addition to the point about “dealing with power people,” I think another key thing that I wish I had learned before becoming a pastor is how to deal with DISAPPOINTMENT. People leave the church. Trusted friends in the church betray you. Some people refuse to change no matter how Biblical a suggested change may be. Unmet expectations–for the pastor, as well as for those he seeks to lead. I have heard it said that for pastors, disappointment just goes with the territory. That may be true. But it doesn’t mean it’s easy. Wouldn’t it have been nice to have had a greater measure of coping skills before you walked into the fire?!
Thanks so much Lindy. Your comments are excellent! There are still a lot of people reading this post, so they will benefit from your contribution.
As a young man training for pastoral ministry, thank you so much for this list and for the attending comments. As one who has struggled with the practical outworkings of the local church, but has a pastor who loves the Lord and seeks to be a faithful minister of the Word… I would encourage other young men who desire a good thing (ie – elder/pastoral ministry) to patiently sit under those who God has placed you under. Learn from them, seek to be a blessing to them and their families, seek to edify the body and see Christ glorified as you humbly submit to God’s providential opportunity for you to learn, serve, and grow. (obviously – there may be situations where this is not advisable theologically… but hear my heart)
As one who is blessed to have fellowship with and is being mentored by a pastoral staff, who meets regularly with a group of pastors and learns from their experiences and what God has done, is doing, and even to see their hearts for what God is leading them toward…. I would encourage you who have commented above… who have expressed the desire that someone would have done this for you… to endeavor to be faithful in mentoring those who God is raising up even in your fellowship (or the new pastor in town or the next town over). Please do not let the opportunity to train up faithful men slip through your hands. Meet with them once a week or every couple of weeks…. meet with a group of men even… pour into them… and I promise that it will be an encouragement to you.
One of my dear friends, a pastor who meets with our group, told me once that this is one of the most valuable things that he has done in his 20+ years of ministry… and what I can’t express is how much it means to me and my dear brothers who seek only to be faithful to the calling we have received.
I agree. The comments to this post have been incredibly valuable and insightful.
As a Pastor/Planter in a high impoverished community, I wish I would’ve had more relevant training and mentors that understood generationsl poverty, addiction, poor education, and cultural bondage. I look back at so many missed opportunities due to not having tangible mentors and training that dealt with my specific ministry context.
I’m really late to this topic, but the one thing I wish people had told me before I became a pastor, was that I was likely to spend some, if not most or all of my time pastoring a Small Church. After all, 90% of churches in America are under 250 people, which means that’s where 90% of lead pastorates are.
I also wish they’d told me how to pastor a Small Church well. I was taught how to break the 200 barrier, for instance, but was never taught how to pastor a church well under 200. And I was never taught what to do if the church never broke the 200 barrier, either.