Podcast Episode #132
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We cover a pair of posts on guest friendliness and what you should and shouldn’t say to guests at your church.
Some highlights from today’s episode include:
- If you tell someone they’re sitting in your pew, they’ll likely get up…and never return.
- There is nothing good that comes from telling guests they are late and the service has already begun.
- Parents do not want to put their children in a nursery when they are told it’s a burden to keep their kids.
- These issues can help churches break attendance barriers simply by being more guest-friendly.
The seven things you SHOULD say to guests are:
- “Thank you for being here.”
- “Let me help you with that.”
- “Please take my seat.”
- “Here is my email address. Please let me know if I can help in any way.”
- “Can I show you where you need to go?”
- “Let me introduce you to ___________.”
- “Would you join us for lunch?”
The ten things you SHOULD NOT say to guests are:
- “You are sitting in my pew/seat.”
- “Is your husband/wife with you?”
- “Are those your children?”
- “The service has already begun.”
- “There is not enough room for your family to sit together.”
- “You will need to step over these people to get to your seat.”
- “That’s not the way we do it here.”
- “You don’t look like you are a member here.”
- “Have you considered attending the church down the street?”
- “The nursery is real full.”
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–My family visited a church one time and, after spending quite some time being redirected by the parking crew to a different parking area, we were finally seated in the service. The first thing the pastor said when he got up to preach was an admonition on people being late to church. After the service was over, we realized we had time to get to a service at a different church. We ended up joining the second church.
–This past Easter, we were leaving church and noticed a car parked in one of the crosswalks (but with room to still walk around). Someone had put a “nastygram” note on the windshield. We removed the note before the person got out of church and could see it.
Really good advice! You would think that most of these would fall under the category of common sense. But sometimes we just forget to treat new people. Perhaps a friendly, lighthearted reminder in the church bulletin might help. You might also add, “Are all these your children?” To your don’t say stuff like this list.
I couldn’t agree more with the statement about kids. “Yes I have 4 kids, yes they are all mine, no I don’t feel overwhelmed” is how I want to answer that every time I’m asked.
I have had no. 9 told to me by one church member and I was the pastor at the church; and she meant it. But that is ancient history. I get a kick out of it now when I think about it or talk about it. On a serious note I hope that I would never hear any of these from members of our church.
I visited a church once with my 4 children – at the time ages 6, 3, 3, and 2. I left the youngest 3 in the nursery with a very nice teacher and took my older daughter to her class. I felt pretty good about the church at that point. Then I went to Bible Study and a few minutes after I sat down a woman came in and took her purse off the chair next to me, looked at her husband and said she had to go help in the nursery because “some woman just dumped 3 kids off without notice.” I left as soon as I could and picked my kids up never to return to that church.
good article, we should not say things similar to people no matter where we are. Also I’m not excusing rude behavior but I think people need to be taught to have a thicker skin as you will have an opportunity to be offended in all environments, be the bigger person.
My husband and I moved several months ago and have been visiting churches in our new town. The only one on this list that we’ve encountered is #6. The church was filling up and the usher, trying to be kind was searching for a seat for us. Everyone fixed their gaze elsewhere to avoid eye contact – with him or us. Finally he asked someone if they had room for 2 visitors on their row, they said, “No”. Seeing room on the back row (shocking for a Baptist church:)), he asked if the seats were saved. They shook their heads and didn’t move. So technically they didn’t actually say the words, but they did make us climb all over several adults to get to the middle of the pew (as a footnote, I have MS and wear a leg brace).
I would add another “do” to the list. Do say something!!! You would be shocked at how many churches we have visited, small and large, where we have largely been ignored. The worst offender was when we visited a Sunday School class of probably 15-18 people and not one soul said a word to us! Not one!!! We were horrified. All I could think about was how we would feel if we were unchurched and this was our first experience in church. We would feel excluded and would believe that’s how Christians behave. Very sad. Oh, and to make matters worse, it was Easter. So while you should be careful not to offend visitors by what you say, please be equally mindful not to offend them by what you don’t.
I would agree with all of these.
Most of them are common sense, but when we moved to a new city and had to find a new church for our family, we encountered all of them.
This short little list will do a lot to remove friction that your visitor experiences. ..
Every now and then all church volunteers and members should be familiar or refamiliarize themselves with these.
Chris
EvangelismCoach.org
Many churches don’t want new people, or don’t care if new people come (or stay). One church we visited 3 times, and finally the pastor’s wife was friendly to us. No one else there had any interest in being hospitable to us. We stayed for a few years, partly to benefit one of our family members in particular, but that initial attitude was very telling. People did become friendlier to us over time, especially as we labored around the church. But they never really cared if we were there or not, some resented us, and when we finally did leave, it was proven out by the number of people who showed any concern or regret over our going (1 couple). So the way visitors are treated or spoken to initially really does reflect the attitude or spirit of a church, and should be a factor in the determination to stay or find another venue.
I agree with you, Louise. I went to a church for about 17 years with a school-friend of mine. They were always on me about needing to go to church or needing to go to youth group or various activities/functions. It was okay at first when going to that church, but it began to take its toll on me. The members of the church would only call me when they wanted something, and they wouldn’t back down until I said “Yes” to their requests or more accurately, demands. Over time I would not go to church for one or two months. One of the times, someone did call to have my mom and me come back, and we did, but I feel that it was more a numbers crunching game than it was to really have us back. People in the church seemed ho-hum when they saw me. When we did stop going, maybe a a few months later, we got a call from someone at the church, but it was not to see how we were doing. It was to tell me and my mom that someone (name____) had died and we are having a funeral and potluck, can you bring a dish. First of all, I did not know who this lady was from the church, nor did I know the person who died. I was probably nineteen, so I was shy and timid, so I did not say anything to her along those lines because I could tell in her tone of voice on the phone that she probably would have said “Well, if you would come to church, you would know who I am and who ____ is”. To wrap things up, we stopped going to the church, and they just wrote us off with a letter saying that because we have not attended in the last six months, that our membership is terminated. So, in reality, no one even missed us. After thinking about it, they did not really want us there, my friend from school is the one who did. I know that the congregation at that church has shrunk quite a bit because they are now holding only one worship service.
In this day and age of parent concern, I am curious why many Protestant Churches have nurseries and children’s programs? The Catholic church and some mainline Protestant Churches have family worship, where the whole family is in the pew from being to end. Churches seem to isolate their kids, and then wonder “Why this disappear as teens?”
I go to a Catholic church, and families do sit together. In the Catholic parishes, they do have a children’s gospel. Just before they bring up the gifts in the mass, they will ask the children to come to the front who want to go to the children’s liturgy. They go up to the front, and the teacher will lead them out to their classroom. They are in there for about 15-20 minutes and then they come back into the church. I used to go to a Methodist church when I was really young, and I remember only going to Sunday school, not church. Sometimes, the Sunday school teacher would take us in the church if they were having a service, but not every time.